why am i still single, you ask?

Generally, I avoid this topic like the plague. But it’s been coming up more frequently these days and I’m feeling the need to make an official statement.

Because the masses cry, “Deb, why are you still single?”

Okay, so maybe not the masses… but I do get that question more times than I care to admit. Granted, sometimes I’m flattered, like when people say they’re shocked I’m still single. But then there’s always that follow-up question… “So… why is that?”

Friends, Family, Countrymen. I wish I had an answer that was satisfying to all.  But I don’t.  In past blogs, I’ve tried to wrap things up with a neat bow.  I not only wanted to encourage others who are in my same position, but I wanted to provide an answer. And though I still stand by what I wrote… I don’t think it’s as complicated as I may have made it out to be.

It’s true. I am single. And I have never been married. Sure, I’ve come close a couple of times. I even returned an engagement ring once. But “sealing the deal” just hasn’t happened. And I realize, that as a forty-something year old woman, I’m somewhat of an anomaly. And I’m okay with that… I mean, it could be worse.

Back to the topic: Why am I still single?  What a great question. Often my friends try to answer it for me. “You’ve spent too much of your life working in a career that isn’t really conducive to meeting someone.” “You’ve just not met Mr Right.” “Maybe you’re being too picky.” Or my favorite, when they blame the men, “They just don’t know what they’re missing!”

But regardless… here is the only answer I have:

Because so far, God has deemed it so.

Hard to argue with, I know. Hard to blame-shift or point an accusing finger.

Reality is, it doesn’t matter what my career is or who I have met or haven’t met and it doesn’t matter if I’m picky or not.  If I’m living in a dung hut in the middle of the Maasai Mara and God decided he wanted me to meet someone, He would make it happen.

Now don’t get me wrong. I’m not advocating hiding or running from love and seeing if God will still make it happen.  If that’s where you are then I have a couple of counselor friends I can recommend to you. Seriously.

Love is wild and wonderful and illusive and consuming. It can cause you to be fabulous one day and do something utterly stupid the next. But we were created for this very thing. Flawed as it may be… for now. The only Perfect Love out there is from the One who created us. Everything, and everyone, here on earth is merely a foretaste of what’s to come one day. So for now… we can only stumble through it all… merely praying and hoping to receive AND give grace generously.

So why am I still single? Because God has deemed it so.

For now.

Whether He changes my status here on earth or whether I must wait a little longer… I could be in no better hands.

And that, I wouldn’t change for the world.

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28 thoughts on “why am i still single, you ask?

  1. Pingback: Tweets that mention why am i still single, you ask? « of bravery and brokenness -- Topsy.com

  2. I love this post! You summed it up PERFECT!
    So what do think my reaction was when I read Sunday’s sermon title “The Gift of Singleness?” I was in a small church of about 25 and 98% were married. The Lord knows how to find us. Well I got the gift baby!

  3. Great post!

    God deemed it. That’s RIGHT!

    And He has given you a fabulous life that you are living fully – which you just happen to be single, so be it. 🙂

  4. Great, great post. I am a fifty something single and it may or may not help to know that the question does eventually stop being asked!

    My favourite response was from a friend’s little girl who after hearing about my lack of spouse, children and pets finally said “well, you must just need a lot of peace and quiet!”

    • thanks Laura… feel free to share this with them. It’s very freeing to recognize that we can’t even blink or breathe unless God deems it so. It brings sweet relief from all the striving…

  5. Really enjoyed your blog. Came to it from Sheila Walsh’s retweet. Well said indeed. I may have to borrow that answer from now on…

    ~elizabeth
    34 and single

  6. You ROCK, the Debs. This entry is fantastic & so well said! (Not to say that your others aren’t, I just haven’t read your blog in a while. ;-))

    Miss you!!

    Love,
    the Rebs xo

  7. I really appreciate this. Lately, I’ve been struggling with a sense of entitlement from God. “I’ve done X,Y, & Z. I think I deserve a husband now.” I’ve been dealing with this prideful perspective that I have. I don’t want it, but I know it’s pointing me to some lie that I’ve believed about myself and about God. So, I’m trying to find that and replace it with God’s Truth.

    I really like your perspective. “God has deemed it so.” I find more encouragement from that than I have from any relationship book. I finally have peace from it in a way that I haven’t really ever found. It’s so simple but so profound. Thank you very much.

  8. Hi Jessica… I’ve so been there. Not to sound cliche (but the Bible does say it)… The truth sets us free. As I said in another reply. “It’s very freeing to recognize that we can’t even blink or breathe unless God deems it so. It brings sweet relief from all the striving…”

    The older I get, the more comfortable in my own skin I get… and I believe that comes from a growing sense that God has ordained my life in a way I don’t always understand… but can completely trust. It is pretty simple, as you said. We humans love to complicate things. :o) I think we make the simple truth murky when we try to stick ourselves in the middle of it.

    Thanks for reading and praying you find sweet relief in His relentless love for you.

  9. Well put Darlin’. Funny. I just had that very same conversation with myself last night. I looked in the mirror and asked myself the same question. Came up with the same answer…and that I also have a short wick to put up with stupid behavior and I’m a little moody- but what artist isn’t? Then I told the mirror that if someone wanted someone boring, then go for it, but that ain’t gonna be me!

  10. Deb, I love what you shared. I can definitely relate. I get that question all the time, including the one where sweet people are shocked I’m not married.:)
    I’ve tried everything from serious answers about high standards and not being willing to settle or compromise to humorous answers, like the fact that I’m probably going to enter the convent any day now.
    Then finally, I realized that in some ways, singleness is also my choice ~so far anyway~ and I need to own that. I’ve started telling inquiring minds that I’ve chosen to be single (even though it’s a struggle at times) and that it gives me a lot more time to focus on God and others, which is the truth.
    And as you said so well, if God wants to change my situation, nothing and nobody can stop Him, so that’s very reassuring.:)
    Recently, I’ve seen that attitude really frees me and helps me be content where I am and sends the message that I am not less than because I am not married. I’m open to what God has planned for me in the future because I know it will be good. He promised.:)
    Again, thanks for sharing. So appreciate you expressing what so many of us feel.

    • Thanks for your comment Janet… isn’t it amazing how richer life gets when we hold onto it with loosely instead of with a death grip?

      Hmmm… that might just be Biblical. ;o) Thanks for the encouragement.

  11. Sent this via an amazing friend after dinner one night over the same topic….
    nail.on.head. my brave friend(call I call you that already;)
    We are all simply called for such a time as this and I THANK God for your calling.

  12. Pingback: 2010 in review « What I'm Thinkin'…

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