A Few of My Glorious Moments…

I’ve been wanting to do a post on Most Embarrassing Moments for a while now… mainly because every time someone asks, “So what’s your most embarrassing moment?”… I am perplexed. Not because I can’t come up with any… but because I seem to have so many to choose from… and how can I narrow it down to just one?

I was reminded that I needed to get this post going because my friend Rachael beat me to the punch and just posted her own list of fabulous faux pas. Her’s are pretty dang hilarious.. I advise you to check them out here.

So, for the sake of contributing amusement, transparency, honesty and self-effacing anecdotes to the blog world… I present to you my most glorious (and usually public) blunders, goofs, gaffs, and idiocies. Though I could not reasonably list ALL of them here… I can at least give you some of my favorites.
____

While working late one night in a recording studio, I bumped into a gentleman coming out of one of the recording booths, and trying to be cool and totally “with it” I casually asked,
“So… taking a break?”
“Sure am…” he replied.
“Cool. Cool. So, who’s session are you workin’ on?”
“Uh… Vince Gill’s…” accompanied by a puzzled look.
“Oh, cool… cool.”

Yea, it was Vince Gill I was talking to.
___

Back in California I lived in a condo with 2 other girls. We had a dog-door in the back door that led into the garage. One morning, while rushing off to work, I quickly went out the back door, locked it and hopped into my car that was parked in the garage. “Drat!” I forgot my keys. “Double drat!” They’re locked inside the house!

Trying to think quickly, I knelt down and tried to stretch my arm through the dog door to reach the locked doorknob inside. It was about 4 inches beyond my grasp. So, angling my body, I twisted and squirmed the top have of my torso through the dog-door… simultaneously trying to maneuver the rubber flap. “Voila!” I could reach the handle and unlocked the door!

Uh oh. I tried to re-squirm my way back out of the dog-door-hole. No go. I tried to push my way forward to go all the way through it. No go. Thanks to my, well, womanly curves… my chest and hips would not accommodate entrance or exit through the hole.

So there I was… flopped through the hole. The door finally unlocked… but much to my chagrin… I was going no where. No cell phone. No one home. No way out.

I stayed there for almost 30 minutes when one of my roommates miraculously “stopped by the house” to get something. The garage door opened and there stood my roomie… doubling over with laughter as my wedged hiney greeted her like Winnie The Pooh sticking out of the honey pot.
_____

Australia is a tricky place. It sounds like people are speaking the same English language we all know and love. But noooo… don’t be fooled.

While dining at the Hard Rock Cafe in Sydney… I was gesturing while talking (I’m sure there’s Italian in my blood somewhere) and I accidentally knocked over my Diet Coke… sendng ice and sticky cola everywhere. I quickly grabbed my napkin and started dabbing, but it was no use. Too much cola not enough fabric.

A young male waiter was walking by and I grabbed his arm…
“Excuse me… I need a napkin! Do you have an extra napkin?”
“Um… uh… I….”
“A napkin. ” I said like he was hard of hearing. “I need a napkin. I’ve made a HUGE mess!”
“I… uh… um…” Red-faced and awkward he stumbled away, never returning.

I learned a valuable lesson that night. The word “napkin” is not in reference to the paper or cloth square wrapped around your silverware. That would be called a “serviette”. Napkin, on the other hand is only used in reference to a woman’s feminine product. Yes, as in sanitary napkin.

Now read the above dialog again.
______

Also, while in Sydney (I told you this was a tricky place)….we’d been showing the local churches in that area how to facilitate a Vacation Bible School program. I was on-stage with a group of students at a fairly large church of 500 people (that’s considered a mega-church in Oz)… we were supposed to show the congregation what we’d been learning all week. My job was to lead the students on-stage, as well as the congregation in one of the VBS songs we’d learned. My favorite pick was “Praise Him in Morning”… with the hand motions and all.

So, standing at the mic I looked out across the 500 smiling faces and said,
“Now, everybody… I want you to do the motions with me.”
Smiling faces quickly turned to puzzled looks… and a few whispered “what did she say?”
“Come on everyone! Don’t be shy… let’s all do the motions.”
Giggling ensued on-stage behind me.
The whispers grew to commotion in the seats in front of me.
“Um.. you know… the hand motions… like this…” And I started to do the gestures.
Laughter broke throughout the entire building.

Then one of the Uni Students (university) leaned over and whispered in my ear.

Apparently, the popular Aussie phrase “do the motions”… means to have a bowel movement.

Note to self: Try to contract laryngitis during next trip to Australia.

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5 thoughts on “A Few of My Glorious Moments…

  1. Aw… You poor girl! I’m hoping you’re able to now laugh at all of this… Well, as much as I did reading it just now. 😉

  2. yea, Biz… you should install one in the back door. And if you ever get locked out – I’m your gal.Annibelle… yes, easily laughing now. Actually, I pretty much laughed at the time they happened, too. I mean, it was impossible not to…

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