Stream of Consciousness – Not quite a River, but more than a Babbling Brook

The last couple of days have been rather emotional… as I have been grieving for friends whose 5 year old daughter died Wednesday. If you want to read about the accident, go here. I am done talking about it. Done wrestling with the Sovereignty of God and trying to understand the “why’s” in the midst of the tragedies in this life. Trying to figure that out with my puny brain is exhausting. I can’t imagine what my friends are going through… and the sheer exhaustion they must feel.

So, today I needed to clear my mind and purge
my heart of the processing. I was tired of wallowing in deep thought, and done trying to make things make sense. At least for today. Whenever I go for a run (ok… much of it is actually walking) my mind goes to one of two places. Either I find myself deeply engrossed in some creative process; imagining compositions for my next photo shoot, creating a topic for my next blog, inventing a new recipe or brainstorming new ways to get World Vision kids sponsored on the Women of Faith tour.

Or the other… which I was hoping for… is that my mind shuts off; intentional thought is put away and I allow my brain to wallow in reactionary thinking… responding to whatever stimuli comes my way. It’s actually kind of funny… and sometimes embarrassing… the random and rather A.D.D. fragments that meander through my head.

Today I got my wish and my brain enjoyed 3 miles of an uninterrupted stream of consciousness. If you had plugged your iPod earphones into my head… this is what you would have heard as I headed out into the East Nashville streets for my jog:

Okay, wow… it’s hotter out here than I thought.
Why is my heel hurting already?
I haven’t seen Miss Rosie on her porch in a while.
I should have worn my other running shoes.
I smell coffee.
I need to post a new blog.
I have no idea what to write about.

Dang it. I didn’t call Verizon.
Maybe I’ll cook fish tonight.
Oh, I forgot to get wine for Josh’s party.
Is that a dead bird? Don’t look… don’t look…
Why did I look?
That’s disgusting…

Why does my heel hurt?
What should I make for the Memorial Day cookout?
Maybe a salad.
I’m burning up.
“Obama for President”
“Karen Hoff Realtor”
“The Gate Company 229-3547”
“Lost Cat”
Stop reading all the yard signs!
Sheesh, I’m like that 90 year old man in “Forget Paris”.
Okay… I really need to focus.
Focus on not focusing.
Ooh, that’s a really cool house.
Not sure about the color.
I wonder if I got upgraded for Rochester?
I don’t think my sunscreen is working.
Jeez… that dog scared me!
Have I even gone 2 miles yet? [checks pedometer]
1.3 miles
That’s it?

I need to eat more vegetables.
I can’t wait til New York.
I wish Nashville had a beach.
I need new clothes.
Is it supposed to rain?
Yessss… I’m almost to Eastland…
Half a mile to go
I wish my landlord would paint my house.
It’s really hot.
I wonder what my heart rate is.
I’m hungry.
I really should get my bike working.
I bet I’d run better in Africa.
I need a shower.

Exciting stuff, huh? I know… you’re a little worried about me now.

Sometimes, it’s good to give our brains a rest. Especially if you’re like me and internalize everything and torture yourself by thinking things to death.

Tomorrow is another day and I can contemplate the meaning of life until my face turns blue and my socks fall off. Until then, I will happily give myself a break and go no deeper than contemplating the dust in my belly button.

Happy jogging.


6 thoughts on “Stream of Consciousness – Not quite a River, but more than a Babbling Brook

  1. Oh!! You’re so funny. Glad you got out. Wish I was in town to see you over the holiday. Throw a shoe or two for me.Hope to see you soon!!J

  2. i think you would most definitely run faster in africa. maybe you should come over and try it out….i will have a bed waiting for you. :O)

  3. hello! this is allison from your neighborhood group. i was looking around at stuff on facebook and saw you had a link to this blog…i read a few…and like it a lot! (the Jesus Storybook BIble is GREAT! someone gave that to me…) anyway…just letting you know i’ll be reading it now. i feel less weird about that if you know. and i have one too! later.

  4. HA!! This is a perfect example of a difference between women and men. Our “shutting off” just consists of a constant stream of thought 🙂 There’s is, well, really shutting off! 😉 hahaLOVE this. By the way, can we run together when I’m there next month?? Or run/walk? I like that idea better.

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